Already Ready to Give Up

In about an hour from now I will be leaving my office and heading home for the evening. It is a rare night indeed that I find myself with some freetime. Usually, it is under stress and strain I head home, always to the next "something" there is to do.

For me, though, tonight is free. And that is a gift. Hidden in this blessing, however, is somewhat of a curse.

In theory this should be my second day running. In actuality, I am writing this post in order to jump-start my head into committing to that action. I am tired today - more tired than I remember being in a long time. I hear weariness is most directly confronted by engaging in physical activity. That alone should be incentive enough to get home and get going.

But, there are also other thoughts fighting for first place in my head. For instance, I am currently so tired, maybe it would be better to go home and nap. (I know this is not true, because if I were to go home and nap, it will throw the rest of my schedule out of whack.) I have also rediscovered a deeply rooted love of getting enraptured by a favorite novel. Thoughts of heading home to run do not come close to being as exciting a thought as laying on my couch and beginning a new journey in a fictitious world that holds my heart.

So, here's my thinking: if I continue to weigh this in my head, I will give up. Enough talk. Enough decision-making. Let's call the decision made. Do I want to change the bad habits I've wrestled with since childhood? Yes. Do I want to lose weight and get healthier? Yes. Do I want to lay my head down on my pillow tonight and have a definite something for which I am proud of myself? Yes.

Ok, then...none of those things can happen if I go home and stay lazy. I must get up and move. I must make the changes I want for my life. No one else can or will do it for me.

And, so, today I am telling this mountain to move by choosing to run, even though it is the last thing I want to do in this moment. May I have the grace, faith, strength, and courage to follow through with this decision when I am actually home an hour from now. Amen.